The week the Guild accidentally adopted familiars, buried itself in stash boxes, and summoned a candle-powered timepiece.
👑 Sparkle Champion: Ceri of Dragons of Shropshire
With a studio familiar post so good it practically wrote a fantasy novella (twice), Ceri absolutely obliterated the field this week. Between:
- A floof that hides in her clothes until it debuts in a bookshop 🐉
- Surprise sleep-cuteness and defiant rebellion
- And a whole “Natural Habitat” entry with a portrait to match
…we had no choice but to crown her.
🏆 Title Earned: Whimsy Warden of the Shropshire Floofs
Total Points: 11
🐦 Runner-Up: Joanna the Magpie Monarch
She shared her magpie energy, her enormous stash boxes (with photos), her heartfelt stitching project for a day centre visitor, and her ongoing quest to sort…everything.
- Studio familiar: Magpie who hoards sparkles
- Jam-jar yarn hoarder (but for a good cause!)
- Cushion project with maximum emotion and purpose
- “Five more boxes” energy with photographic proof
🏅 Title Earned: Keeper of the Craft Nest
Total Points: 10
🧶 Elizabeth: Yarn Guardian & Baby Cardi Defender
Elizabeth turned up with yarn loyalty, hilarious customer stories, and Edinburgh Tattoo sparkle.
- Yarn? Never enough. Yarn loyalty runs deep.
- Gave the greatest anti-haggle mic drop in Guild history (the pattern was £37.50 too, thank you very much)
- Bonus point for returning from Edinburgh in dramatic style
🏅 Title Earned: Duchess of Double Knit Drama
Total Points: 9
🎩 Honourable Mentions
- Ann — Summoner of Glintyimp, protector of bead chaos, and clearly someone with an assistant hiding in the shadows.
Award: Loreweaver of the Sticky Mat Saga - Fran — For felt ball drawers, chaotic desks, tidy chaos, and Bloom HQ sneak attacks.
Award: Empress of Felt-Based Alarm Systems - Kath — Continued sparkle, tidy-up failure, glitter chaos, and studio truths: “I am accounts. And marketing. And admin.”
Award: Guild Matron of Multiplying Messes - Jim — For candle-powered alarm clocks, riddle rounds, and a cabinet of dragons waiting to be judged by Keith.
Award: Lore-Keeper of the Whisperwake Flame - Linda — For stained glass workshop wins, rogue window wisdom, and glorious “done is better than tidy” vibes.
Award: Lightbringer of Wonky Window Truths - Kelly — For beads that contain galaxies and possibly sentient sparkle hoards.
Award: Orb Mistress of the Cosmic Bead Trays
🔥 This Week’s Drama Stats:
📊 Chaos Poll:
9 votes — Felt Balls vs. Paint Water vs. Dust Bunnies. No clear winner. Just glittery despair.
🛠️ Ask Slade (Bad Advice Edition):
“Get it made in China”
“All windows are square”
“Being self-employed is easy”
…The Guild has never laughed so bitterly.
🧙♂️ Riddle Thread:
9 comments, 3 conspirators, and one wax-based wizard duel.
Jim remains undefeated. The wax names live on.
🧵 Studio Stash Chaos:
- Joanna sorting like she’s preparing for a glitter apocalypse
- Fran’s desk imploding
- Kath’s entire studio collapsing under pressure
- Elizabeth was at the Edinburgh Tattoo. She wins.
🌟 Special Sparkle Notes:
- Ceri’s Floof now qualifies as an official Guild Familiar.
- Ann’s Glintyimp is a canonical lore entry with powers, weaknesses, and accessory rights.
- Keith has been summoned for critique. He’s sharpening his claws.
💫 Until next Monday, Guildies…
Keep hoarding, keep laughing, and for the love of sparkle — beware the bead tray. It’s alive now.